Cool is the Rule

Before I begin to discuss the focus of this post, I thought it necessary to fill in the readers of "Roast Beef Tech" on the most important topics you missed if you didn't read my weekly column in "The Maine Campus."  Here goes nothing:  Tim Duncan sucks, golf is not a sport, NASCAR is even less of a sport, Tim Duncan sucks, Lane Kiffin is a loser, Kobe is awesome, and Tim Duncan sucks.  All of these facts were the subject of a column of mine at one point or another and will likely appear periodically in this blog.  Just wanted to make sure we're all on the same page.

Now that we've taken care of our first order of business, it's time to talk about cool people.  After my co-author wrote his piece about the NBA MVP race between Derrick Rose and Lebron James, I approached him with a much more important question about the two stars:  Which one of them would you rather hang out with?  His response, which I completely agree with, was, "Neither...They're both lames."  Lebron James is corny and Derrick Rose seems nice, but he's way too quiet for me to consider him cool at this point in his career.  And that's when it became clear that my next blog had to be about which professional athletes would be the most fun to hang out/drink a beer with.  I've chosen the top three athletes from each major sport that I'd like to party with and the only requirement is that they're not retired and their name is not Tim Duncan.

Since I'm already on the NBA, I'll begin with them.  3.  Shaquille O'Neal - Say what you want about "The Big Aristotle," he has been giving some of the best soundbites in all of sports since the day he stepped foot in the NBA.  There are so many to choose from but my favorites include a sideline interview with Craig Sager in which Shaq tells Sager that he's going to buy him a new jacket because the one he's wearing is "horri-awful," and O'Neal's response to a reporter asking him if he visited the Parthenon when he was in Europe:  "I don't know.  I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."  2.  Delonte West - D West was easily my first pick of NBA players to hang out with before he went Mad Max and strapped up with three guns on a motorcycle ride back in September of 2009.  Call me conservative, but I have to be a little cautious of anyone who carries a shotgun in a guitar case.  But the St. Joe's alum is one of the most entertaining personalities in the sport and never fails to make me laugh.  Need proof?  Check out the youtube video of him freestyling while waiting at a KFC drive-thru or, better yet, his correspondent piece on "Jim Rome is Burning:"  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67ufrcQlKt4&feature=related.  And my Number 1 choice of NBA players to hang out with is none other than the Birdman, Chris Anderson - Dude has more ink than the Old Testament and spends his entire life doing nothing but blocking shots, dunking on fools and getting neck tattoos.  All you have to do is look at this cat to realize that he knows how to party.  Enough said.
Honorable Mention:  Matt Barnes.

Now on to the NFL.  3.  Peyton Manning - Unlike his younger brother Peyton actually has a personality, and a great one at that.  His appearance on Saturday Night Live was epic and he has countless other commercials that prove his ability to entertain.  His ability to flip the switch between serious, successful quarterback and funny, laid-back layman makes him a no-brainer for the list.  2.  Chris Cooley - The Redskins tight end is always playing pranks on his teammates and is as quirky as Charlie Sheen minus the drugs.  His life is committed to having fun regardless of what he's doing and that's never more evident than the day he was wired up for an entire practice:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMO2FsrRKhQ.  Oh yeah, and it doesn't hurt that his wife was a finalist for Maxim's list of Hottest Football Wives.  1.  Clinton Portis - At this point, I don't even know what team Portis plays for and he may not either.  But that doesn't take away from the fact that he is still the most humorous man in the game.  As a teammate of Cooley's for several years, that Redskins locker room was/is? undoubtedly the most fun in the business.  Portis is famous for the multiple costumes he dresses up in to conduct press conferences and never breaks character (except for an occasional chuckle).  My personal favorite has to be Dolemite Jenkins, a parody of Napoleon Dynamite, but for a little taste of Portis' sense of humor check out this priceless video:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aaO-s3-RLHE&feature=related.  Next leading vote-getter:  Jared Allen.

I must admit, I'm not overly informed when it comes to the NHL so I'm gonna have to keep this one short and sweet.  3.  Barry Melrose -  OK, Melrose isn't a player but I did some research, and the NHL isn't exactly overflowing with great personalities.  But anyone who watches Sportscenter during hockey season knows that Melrose is cool enough to play the title character in the next James Bond movie.  And he's the only man in all of sports who manages to make a mullet not look completely atrocious.  2.  Alexander Ovechkin - Ovechkin has a couple of funny interviews, but the clip that sealed the deal was his Sportscenter commercial where he plays a Russian spy.  Arguably the best player in the game, Ovechkin doesn't take himself too seriously and probably drinks vodka like it's Vitamin Water.  1.  Scott Gomez - Gomez was born and raised in Alaska making him one of only two things that state has ever contributed to society (the other is Carlos Boozer).  Check out some of the interviews he's done and you'll find him making perfectly normal conversations as awkward and uncomfortable for the reporter as possible.  He once told a reporter he should be wearing a green suit because he's the grinch and when another thanked him for doing the interview he responded, "I didn't really want to."  The guy is brutally honest and I love it.  Honorable Mention:  Jeremy Roenick (also no longer active)

And finally, we have Major League Baseball.  3.  Adam Dunn - It's common knowledge that baseball players perform more pranks than any other athletes, simply because the game itself is so boring that pranks are their only source of entertainment.  But Dunn likes to go the extra mile.  When he was playing for the Cincinnati Reds, it wasn't uncommon for him to prank call the radio announcers during rain delays.  Points for creativity and originality.  2.  Nick Swisher - Any athlete that appears on funnyordie.com instantly has my respect but Swisher is also one of the most light-hearted, easy-going guys around.  Back in April of 2009, Swisher was forced into pitching duty when the Yankees were getting mauled by the Rays.  The Yanks were down 15-5 when Swisher entered, but the utility man still managed to have fun with it.  Swisher occasionally opted to throw sidearm and shake off signs that weren't being given.  He retired three batters, not allowing a run and recording a strikeout.  And finally, the coolest baseball player on the planet is Brian Wilson.  The self-proclaimed, soul-mudering technician of the mouth says the most random, hilarious things anytime you put a mic in his face.  He became a certified ninja in his dreams, got fined for having too much awesomeness on his feet, and compares his beard to a reptile when asked how it changed from brown to black:  "Ask a chameleon why it changes colors; it adapts."  The list of ridiculously amazing things that Wilson has said and done is far too long to include them all here.  But do yourself a favor and type his name into youtube.  As long as you're not watching The Beach Boys (Wilson shares his name with a former member of the group), you'll be laughing for days.

Other "athletes" I'd like to hang out with:  Andy Roddick, Anthony Kim, "Rampage" Jackson

-Brusk Dollas

Overrated

This topic is an ongoing battle that I will never understand and, with each argument I hear, I develop more of an opinion on the subject. If you are the person who believes that championships are everything and nothing else matters, please stop reading. Over the past three years I have heard every homer, sophisticate, guru, snob and analyst praise this athlete as if he's the reason for his team's success. I have watched this athlete perform over the past five seasons and I continue to scratch my head wondering what he does to warrant such high regard. If you've known me all of ten minutes you know exactly the direction this post is going. The most overrated player in sports is Rajon Rondo.

Whenever Rajon Rondo is the topic of discussion everyone defending him will state that he's a "true" point guard. That asterisk shows why he is not elite and is overrated because the word "true" negates all the things he does poorly. I don't know many elite players that cannot perform necessary tasks. I understand he is a work horse and does all the things asked of him by his coach and organization but that describes a role player, not an elite star. Top point guards in this prestigious league don’t fit a system, they are the system. They are functioning at a higher level with a degree of difficulty that trumps Rajon Rondo. Do we ever say a kid at Northwestern Missouri Valley State Community College with a 4.0 GPA is more accomplished than a 3.0 student at Harvard? I’ll answer, absolutely not.

In many cases Point Guards can be known as the Quarterback of the team. The descriptions of the two positions nearly parallel each other. Both occupations run, control and orchestrate their respective offensives based on ability, system and coaching style. Trent Dilfer will never be the Quarterback Dan Marino was at any point in his career. No disrespect to Trent Dilfer, who has a Super Bowl ring, but he himself will tell you he doesn’t compare to some of the Quarterbacks that have never won the big one. Trent Dilfer’s game was to manage, control tempo, minimize mistakes, hand the ball off and make life easier for one of the best defensives to ever grace the football field with their presence. That’s Rajon Rondo’s game. Manage the flow of the game, play aggressive, make few mistakes and get the ball into the hands of the three Hall of Famers around him. His specific job description fits his skill set perfectly but we should not rate his success on the same level as others who is asked to do more to win consistently. Rajon Rondo is the NBA’s version of Ken Dorsey, Zack Robinson and Graham Harrell. When Ken Dorsey was the star at University of Miami he played with eighteen first round draft picks. I think I could put up a few stats and win a couple games taking snaps on that team. My point is Rondo is not asked to be the dominating force that makes his team march, but the force that keeps them in line. He’s not asked to take over the game, but to not let it take over him. Every manager in the world looks amazing when they have the best talent operating under their control. But how good they are when the talent no longer exists defines how talented they are as an individual. A test Rajon Rondo hasn’t yet been forced to take.

Don’t get me wrong, Rajon Rondo is an extremely talented athlete but my biggest problem is his ability to perform as a guard. He’s a 6’1 165 guard who shoots like he is a 7’3" center. Rondo’s abysmal fifty-six percent free throw percentage is below Shaquille O’Neal and Dwight Howard who are two of the NBA’s worst free throw shooters, which is flat out putrid for any player. If you’ve ever seen Rajon Rondo play, he is guarded as if opponents are daring him to shoot fifteen foot jump shots. A fifteen foot jump shot should be automatic for any starting guard in the NBA. If you don’t think so refer to Chris Paul and Derrick Rose’s school for point guards clinic that took place this past weekend. I have watched guys over the past few years that were never jump shooters develop an effective jump shot, but not Rondo. It’s as if his skill and fundamentals have not progressed since the big three was assembled in 2007. I hear a lot of comparisons between Rajon Rondo, Gary Payton and Jason Kidd, which is just plain laughable. Jason Kidd is third all-time in three point field goals made and second in total assists. Gary Payton is a top thirty scorer of all-time with more points than Larry Bird. You cannot be elite at the professional level without having the tools to produce the single deciding factor between winning and losing, points.  That’s like praising an NFL Quarterback for being excellent at handing the ball off all season. Can you name a worse shooting point guard in NBA History? I won't hold my breath.

 This whole blog stems from people using the word elite when referencing Rajon Rondo. I would consider elite to be top 3 in every position. Derrick Rose, Deron Williams, Chris Paul. If you think it’s arguable, you obviously don't watch basketball. Those three elite point guards are their team, not a piece to the puzzle. They are the heart and brain and without them their team has no chance to even be competitive, forget about winning. Derrick Rose had to score 39 points and record 6 assists to limp by a less than mediocre Indiana Pacers team in Game 1. Chris Paul had to have a near perfect game with 33 points and 14 assists to outlast the defending champion Los Angeles Lakers in their first playoff game. I have seen countless nights where Rondo records 4 points contributes 7 assists and the Celtics win soundly. They could get Bobby Frasor to that. I'll even give you two better, Steve Nash and Russell Westbrook.

I listened to an argument of top twenty players in the NBA hosted by Colin Cowherd. All the people arguing anointed Rajon Rondo as prince of the elite. This is where I have to draw the line. The guy who got cut from the USA Dream B-Team? Where he was beat out by Eric Gordon and Stephen Curry. He most certainly is not a top twenty player in the NBA. I'll even play the game. Kobe Bryant, LeBron James, Kevin Durant, Dwight Howard, Dwayne Wade, Carmelo Anthony, Amare Stoudemire, Dirk Nowitzki, Kevin Love, Pau Gasol, Zach Randolph, LaMarcus Aldridge, Monta Ellis, Derrick Rose, Chris Paul, Blake Griffin, Deron Williams, Steve Nash, Russell Westbrook, Paul Pierce. I know people want to say Steve Nash is not better than Rajon Rondo in 2011. Steve Nash averaged more points and more assists in 2011 and is statistically the best shooter of all-time. I think Steve Nash gets the nod. Rajon Rondo is a glorified role player who is, at the moment, the third or fourth best player on his team. Rajon Rondo is not elite by anyone’s standards.

John Hollinger has developed an all-in-one basketball player efficiency rating that accounts for positive accomplishments such as field goals, free throws, 3-pointers, assists, rebounds, blocks and steals, and negative ones such as missed shots and turnovers. Unlike Quarterback rating (the most overrated stat in football) the best player to ever play the game is at the top of the all-time list, Michael Jordan. Rajon Rondo is currently hanging out in the 70^th most efficient player range this season behind players like Devin Harris, Earl Boykins and Ty Lawson. You can’t be elite in any industry being the 70^th most efficient anything. For all those who think it’s a quack stat, the top six most efficient players currently according to Hollinger’s PER statistic in the NBA are LeBron James, Dwight Howard, Kobe Bryant, Dwayne Wade, Kevin Love and Chris Paul.

I’m sorry, I may be biased against Rajon Rondo but his praise is not warranted. "Elite" should be a relatively small group that is dominant within a larger one, having a privileged status perceived as being envied by others of a lower line of order. Do other effective point guards in the NBA envy Rajon Rondo? Maybe his Championship or the four Hall of Famers he plays with, but not his skill set.

-Jae Pierce

"Masters" of the Universe

Chances are if you knew who Charl Schwartzel was before the 2011 Masters, you're either 70+ years old, retired with nothing better to do with your time than read every edition of Golf Digest, or you're related to him.  To some, that's the beauty of the event:  It can transform an unrecognizable individual into a man that will forever be remembered in a single weekend.  Schwartzel may never win another major (although I'd be shocked if that's the case after seeing the ability he has) but I can guarantee you two things:  The South African with the German-sounding name earned more money in four days than I probably would in four lifetimes, and his resume went from scrawny high school chess club member to HGH injected body builder.

But there are a few major stories that surfaced on the final day.  The first is the unimaginable collapse of 21-year old Rory McIlroy.  Most people that I talked to called it "tough to watch" and felt almost empathetic for the man who led for 63 holes.  I thought it was fascinating.  Sure I feel bad for the kid because he seems like a humble, genuinely nice person.  But other than that, I'd rather watch someone mentally crumble than succeed.  Not because I like to see good people fail, but because it's incredible to me that sports have a way of causing people to psych themselves out.  How is it possible that someone whose highest score in three previous rounds on the same course was a 70, needed ten more shots to finish his fourth?  It's like the baseball catcher who finally makes it to the show and then suddenly can't throw the ball back to the pitcher anymore (yes, that really happens).  Imagine an insurance actuary (shoutout to my very intelligent sister, Mallory) who shows up to work one day and, out of nowhere, forgets how to perform basic addition and subtraction.  Seems far-fetched, doesn't it?  But that's essentially the equivalent of what happened to McIlroy.  He struggled with the most fundamental tasks required of him, things that were second-nature Thursday through Saturday.

The other story is the "return" of Tiger Woods.  He shot a final-round 67 to finish tied for fourth at 10 under par.  Many people believe this is a sign of Tiger's inevitable return to glory and dominance and for whatever reason, just as many people seem to be rooting for that to happen.  I, on the other hand, hope that's the closest he ever comes to winning another tournament.  There are several factors that have contributed to my disapproval of "The Cat," and his "transgressions" are only a minor one.  I haven't liked him since long before that ridiculous day on Thanksgiving, 2009.  The guy just comes off as an unappreciative, pompous prick.  And he put that on full display once again on Sunday with his post-round interview, or lack thereof.  Honestly Tiger, do you really think that was an effective way to repair your public image?  But anyone that has actually paid attention to him when he's NOT on top shouldn't have been surprised.  This is a guy that yells at fans for snapping polaroids of him as he walks the course because it's distracting.  God forbid he'd ever have to play under conditions that real athletes do, where a fan is not only allowed to distract you, but required to.  Not to mention that these fans that are taking snapshots of him are doing so out of admiration, not in an effort to agitate him.  On second thought, maybe he really just doesn't care what people think.  Now THAT's a role model.

-Brusk Dollas

MVP: Rose vs. LeBron

I will start this post by stating I have zero allegiance to the current front runners in the 2010-2011 NBA MVP race.  Derrick Rose, point guard of the Chicago Bulls, is this year’s probable NBA MVP.  I do acknowledge that the accomplishments Rose has achieved this season have been MVP worthy and if I had a vote it would go to him. But is he truly the league’s most valuable player?  Is Derrick Rose having the best individual season in the NBA?  Or is Derrick Rose just the most electrifying player on the best team in an extremely top heavy Eastern Conference?

Before looking at the numbers I was convinced that Derrick Rose was this year’s Most Valuable Player, hands down.  He has done the unthinkable by helping his team to the top seed in a conference where the media didn’t choose Chicago to win, but rather Miami, Boston and New York.  He has taken the team he inherited to heights analysts only thought possible for two teams:  Miami and Boston.  Both those teams currently trail the Chicago Bulls by 3 games. But is that the definition of MVP?

LeBron James is averaging 27 points, 8 rebounds, 7 assists, 1.5 steals and 1 block per game.  He is outperforming Rose in every one of those statistics, with the exception of assists, which Rose leads by just one per game.  Last I checked, that's expected out of a point guard.  LeBron has the size and ability to guard any position from point guard to power forward and the skill to play any of them on the offensive end.  Isn’t that value?  He is currently 12^th in the NBA in assists as a small forward and Rose is 10^th as his teams quarterback.  LeBron is 2^nd in the NBA in scoring and plays with two other superstars.  The one stat I believe really symbolizes value is the plus/minus statistic.  Plus/minus is a statistic that evaluates how your team performs with you on and off the court.  No team plays worse without their star player than the Miami Heat without LeBron.  So what exactly is Derrick Rose’s value over LeBron? Is it public perception? Was it the “decision?” Perhaps voter fatigue? One thing is certain, for some reason no one wants to state the obvious, LeBron James should be this year’s NBA MVP.

-Jae Pierce