In my last post, which I apologize again for how atrocious it was, I let you into my life a little by telling you I'm on a week-long vacation with my closest friends from college. Today, I thought it'd be fun to tell you a little more about the antics that have taken place in the past five days. In an effort to ensure anonymity, the names used in this post will not be real names. Seeing as we're staying at a beach house, it goes without saying that alcohol consumption has been a constant since the minute we arrived. We all knew that each night would hold its own adventure and it certainly has not been a disappointment. Our first night here was pretty standard: Started with a power hour (a shot of beer every minute for an hour) before heading to a local bar. During the power hour, we experienced our first involuntary discharge of bodily fluids. One of us, we'll call him Matt, was unable to hold down a shot around the 45 minute mark and the rest was history. To his credit, Matt cleaned up, caught back up and finished out the hour strong. The rest of the night was typical: A trip to the bar, multiple shots and beers, an after party til the sun came up and about five hours of sleep.
But Day Two held a moment that has been unmatched to this point. It was a gorgeous day, most of which was spent at the beach before coming back to the house and continuing to imbibe intoxicating beverages. That night we changed things up and made a trip to a different bar. Considering it was a Sunday night, the bar scene was less than impressive, which, in our minds, meant that we needed to drink even harder. Obviously we've been walking everywhere so we had our standard 15 minute walk afterwards. Three guys of our group were naturally starving and got word that there was a 7/11 nearby. Little did they know, it was like four miles away and they'd be walking for a very long time. The other two, Matt and another friend that we'll call Ben (friend #6 didn't arrive until Tuesday), embarked on the walk back to the house. The walk included the standard, drunken heart-to-heart and then something that would never be forgotten. About 100 yards from the front door of our house, Ben's stomach played a mean trick on him. He went into a dead sprint for 50 yards and then it happened: He stopped dead in his tracks and that's when involuntary discharge of bodily fluids #2 occurred. But this time it was a different fluid from a different orafice. That's right, Ben had shit his pants. He couldn't make it 50 more yards. Matt hit the ground in uncontrollable laughter while Ben stripped off his boxers and pants and threw them in a nearby trash can. He then proceeded to finish going to the bathroom in a neighbor's yard before walking the final 50 yards to the house butt naked from the waist down. He instantly got in the shower and realized that he had left his phone in his pants pocket. Matt then walked back to the trash can and picked the phone out of Ben's shitty clothes. What a friend.
While that has been the high/lowlight of the week thus far, we've also seen the only shotgun attempts end in projectile vomit, a near fistfight between two house members, a pick-up attempt gone wrong, an impressive individual streak on the beer pong table (close to 15 in a row), and a very mysterious text message: One house member that we'll call Tim got in some hot water with his best female friend. He says that someone in the house picked up his phone last night and sent a very inappropriate text to a random name that just so happened to be his best female friend. Feel free to judge for yourself, but I'm definitely calling bullshit on that one. I know exactly who sent that text and I'll give you a hint. Three letters, starts with a "T" and ends with an "M." The week has been eventful to say the least and with two more nights here, I think it's safe to assume that we haven't seen the last of the tomfoolery.
"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer." - Dave Barry
-Brusk Dollas
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