Lets start with the east coast, specifically the northeast. Easily the least materialistic region of the country, the northeast is known for its blue-collar mentality and its hard-working individuals. It's not typically considered to be a particularly wealthy region, although that is a massive misconception: As of 2010, the three wealthiest states in the country (based on median household income) were New Hampshire, New Jersey and Connecticut, with Massachusetts also cracking the top ten at number 8. But this debate is based strictly on reputation and I don't think anyone would deny that the northeast is viewed as a haven for the working class. There are no professional sports teams that are more representative of their blue-collar cities than the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Boston Bruins. Year in and year out both teams are full of hard-nosed tough guys that take as much pride in their ability to throw fists as they do their ability to play their respective sports. They're both perennial powers whose recipe for success includes one part physical intimidation, one part scrappy defense and zero parts anything aesthetically pleasing. Because they're so representative of their fan-bases, they each have incredibly loyal followings who will also swing on you if you feel bold enough to speak ill of their teams. The northeast is full of committed fans who live and die with their teams to an excessive extent, but I have no doubt that's the reason for so many successful organizations in the region.
Exception: Pittsburgh Pirates. For most teams in the northeast, a bad season is rare. For the Pirates, a bad season is a good season.
The southeast is typically a little more flashy with cities like Miami and Myrtle Beach and is often a retirement destination for northeast natives. It's a region where many people are more concerned with going to the beach and playing golf than they are actually getting a job and for that reason they have teams that reflect that personality. It hurts me to say it, but my favorite team in all of sports, the Miami Dolphins, is a perfect example of this. Some years they're pretty good, others they're downright atrocious, but, like the inhabitants of their city, there never seems to be a sense of urgency to do anything about it. It's a nonchalant attitude that seems to be "If we're good, cool...If we're not, who cares, lets just go to the beach and get drunk." I'd actually argue that sports fans in the southeast, specifically the state of Florida, have it right. They actually have some perspective so that their lives don't revolve around their sports teams.
BIG exception: SEC football. These fans are as die-hard as they come. When you're willing to go to jail for poisoning a giant tree on your rival's campus, you should probably re-evaluate your pathetic life.
I'm skipping the midwest for several reasons: I don't know shit about it, there are no good teams to make fun of, I can't think of anything funny to say, and it's my blog so I can do whatever I want. So we're moving on to the southwest. The southwest is like the big brother of the southeast socially, but the little brother when it comes to sports. Socially, it has just as many beaches, just as many beautiful people, but better weather. Athletically it has more bad teams and no SEC football to hang its hat on. It's another region that doesn't put much pressure on its teams to be successful and their performances are usually a reflection of that, no team moreso than the San Diego Chargers. Every year the Chargers have as much talent as anyone in the NFL, but every year they stumble out of the gates and have to step on the gas late to try to make the playoffs. They usually pay no attention to the little things i.e. special teams, but they lead the league in the more flashy category of passing yards. And I don't wanna hear any of this San Francisco 49ers chatter. If they win the NFC West it will only be because the other teams in their division are the Seattle Seahawks, the Arizona Cardinals and the St. Louis Rams. That's like Usain Bolt racing me, you and John Kruk, except it's not like that at all because Usain Bolt is a beast and the Niners are trash. The point is that division is horrifyingly awful.
Obvious exception: Los Angeles Lakers. Kobe.
Finally we have the northwest. Here's what I know about the northwest: It's the birthplace of Starbucks. That's it. And that's about as much as people in the northwest know/care about sports. If sports didn't exist in the northwest, it would be like soccer not existing in America. Translation: Nobody would care. Seattle is easily the most miserable excuse for a sports town in the country. They have the Mariners and the Seahawks, both of whom are probably the worst teams in their respective sports, while the rest of the northwest has next to nothing to be proud of. Socially and economically, the northwest is like a foreign country to the rest of us. Nobody travels there, they rarely make national news and they contribute nothing the the betterment of the rest of the nation unless you're addicted to caffeine. And the same goes for their athletic teams.
Exception: I guess I'll give them Oregon football. That's about the only thing that you could argue is a respectable program in the region and until it becomes a trend, it's still a bit of a stretch.
The moral of the story is that there are exceptions to every rule except for this one: No sports team will ever be consistently successful unless the fan base demands it of them.
"Gaston is on mad d-bol. Respect." -Dom Mazzetti
-Brusk Dollas
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