The sports world quickly went from incredibly boring and uneventful to having an abundance of potential blog topics. From the endless NCAA violations at Miami (is anybody really surprised about anything that goes down at "The U?") to the NFL's belief that they can just make up rules as they go along (kickoffs moved up five yards, Terrelle Pryor being eligible for the supplemental draft when he CLEARLY should not be), I wasn't sure which direction to go when I woke up this morning. Fortunately for all of us, somebody gift-wrapped a topic and delivered it to me on this fine day. There may come a day in the near future that I tackle one of the aforementioned issues, but today's post will be completely dedicated to a list of the Top Ten Worst Celebrity Tippers that was accumulated on a restaurant blog called "Short Order."
Before I even dive into the list, let me address a few important questions/facts: First of all, I know what you all are thinking: What criteria was used in developing this list? Also, how do we know what facts are/aren't true? As far as the first question is concerned, this blog did their research. According to the site, the list was compiled based on the "number of cheapskate lists each person appears on, stinginess relative to how wealthy the person is, and how low the tip, comparative to how high the bill." Naturally I did my research as well and can confirm that their top ten were consistently appearing on list after list. To answer question number two, simply, we don't. It's impossible to know the real facts unless you're a server that was unfortunate enough to deal with one of these scumbags. But because there are several celebrities on the list that I never liked in the first place, I choose to believe it. And that brings up the one fact that I needed to get out of the way. I'm the most skeptical dude on the planet when it comes to most things...That is, unless, it's more negative press about someone that I already disliked. So now that we have those things out of the way, here's the list with my take on each individual named.
Coming in at #10 on this lovely list is the most popular food personality herself, Rachael Ray. Lets be serious. Any normal person that has ever watched Rachael Ray knows that the smell of her annoyingness (yes, that's a real word) and fraudulence are much stronger than that of the dishes she whips up. She tries wayyyy to hard to come off as a genuine sweetheart when clearly she flips that switch off as soon as the camera turns off.
At #9 is long-time funnyman Bill Cosby. This one is a little disappointing because Cosby doesn't fall into the category of "celebrities I never liked." Nonetheless, the man is getting downright old at this point so I'll chalk his bad tips up to old age/an inability to perform simple math/senility.
#8 on the list is actor Sean Penn. When it comes to his on-screen performances, I'm a big fan of Penn's. But I'm hardly surprised to see him on this list considering that he seems virtually unable to form a smile.
At #7 we have the beautiful Mariah Carey. If her tip percentage was as high as the notes she's capable of hitting, restaurant servers would be very happy and she would be very broke. However that is far from the case. Once again though, no surprise that someone who would marry Nick Cannon lacks judgment in other areas of her life.
Not quite cheap enough to crack the Top 5 is R&B singer Usher at #6. This one is probably the biggest surprise on the list. Don't kid yourself, everyone likes Usher. He's a talented musician and dancer and seems authentically personable whenever he's interviewed. But we might as well stay right along with the whole "lack of judgment" theme. If you're looking for a reason to believe that Usher may very well belong on this list, just go listen to his 2004 album titled "Confessions" where he publicly admits to having impregnated another woman while in a relationship. True story. Not to mention that his name appeared more consistently than anyone's when I was doing some research into the credibility of this list.
And this is where the list really gets good. At #5 is actor Jeremy Piven, or, as most of you probably know him, Ari from the HBO series "Entourage." It's reported that Piven once left an autographed "Entourage" DVD as his show of gratitude. That would be a nice thing to do along with at least a 25% tip for someone as wealthy as he is. And if you're sitting there thinking, "Well at least you could sell it on EBay and make some money off of it," I really have no rebuttal. You're right, you probably could do that. Maybe this man doesn't belong on the list after all. Don't shoot the messenger.
My only complaint about the next dirtball on this list is that he didn't make the top 3. The #4 worst celebrity tipper is Lebron James. I don't need to sit here and tell you all the reasons you shouldn't be surprised about this one. The dude is downright corny. Here's an impressive display of appreciation for ya: According to The Miami News Times, James once ran up an $800 tab at a Cleveland steakhouse, eating and drinking until 4 a.m. At that hour, chances are the place would have closed 4 hours earlier but likely remained open for the man that city once idolized. So how did he thank them? By leaving a staggering $10. I'm no mathematician, but I think that equates to 1.25%. Someone double-check that. Anyway, given that the tip comes at the end of the meal, that's just another confirmation that James has no idea how to finish.
And now for the Top 3. At #3 is the ageless actor/singer Barbara Streisand. This is a tough one. Streisand is rather well-known for her charitable donations. According to the Boston Herald, she's raised more than $25 million for charities via live performances. But there's a report that she once left a $10 tip on a $457 tab. Apparently all celebrities think that $10 is a sufficient tip regardless of the size of the bill. I'm just gonna stop there 'cause I know what some of you are thinking...
Just barely missing the top spot, coming in at #2 is Madonna. This chick is just plain weird. I'm not even gonna make the "Material Girl" connection because I've already heard it too many times. But the original Lady Gaga minus wearing raw meat for a hat is reported to have left an $18 tip on a $400 bill. Terrible, yes. But does it bother anyone else that Lebron's 1.25% didn't edge out Babs and Madonna? Anyway, I'm impartial when it comes to Madonna so I'm gonna give her a bit of a pass here.
And taking home the top spot, the stingiest mofo on planet Earth......................My good pal Eldrick "Tiger" Woods. This entire post could have been dedicated to poor displays of judgment on Tiger's behalf. But the one that is relevant to this list comes from a report by "List of the Day:" Apparently Tiger once "pulled a mulligan on a $5 tip, re-pocketing the money meant for a waitress after realizing he had tipped her earlier in the evening. He was possibly distracted by the $10,000 hand of blackjack he was playing." It's a damn good thing he pulled that 5-spot back. As of September of 2010, the most recent calculated report I could find, Tiger was only worth 100 million times more than that. I wanted to make some sort of comparison until I realized there is nothing in the world that is worth 100 million times less than I am. The only thing comparable between Tiger and myself at this point is our golf game. On that note, he may need that $5 in the near future.
"I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyone's golf game. It's called an eraser." -Arnold Palmer
-Brusk Dollas
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