But I've got something else in mind for today. The last time I wrote, I told you about the worst kinds of fans in all of sports. Today, I'm gonna tell you about the other things in sports that I can't stand. Today, I give you my list of Ten Biggest Sports Pet Peeves, in order:
10. Arguing With Officials/Whining
This would be higher on my list if it weren't for the fact that I used to be guilty of it when I was a competitive athlete. In high school (and even before high school) I didn't realize how pointless it was and how ridiculous it looked from an outsider's perspective. It wasn't until I was on the other side that it became so obvious how bad of an idea it was to complain about calls. Throughout my time in college I worked as a coach/referee at our school's annual basketball camp. When I was officiating, there was nothing that pissed me off more than a little kid whining about a call. When that happened, objectivity went out the window. Not only did I never change a call, but it made me less inclined to give that individual any calls from then on. Clearly that's not something that's recommended in the Referees' Official Handbook, but that's why I hung up the whistle. The best thing you can do as an athlete is to worry about the things you can control. I'll admit, it's much easier said than done, but quit crying about calls. If the referee is anything like me (which hopefully isn't the case), it's only going to make things worse.
9. When "Contests" Are Called "Sports"
We seem to be living in an era where just about anything can be considered a sport. Take July 4th, for example. For the past several years ESPN, the worldwide leader in sports, has aired the "Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest" held at Coney Island. I don't hate you if you enjoy watching a bunch of gluttons stuff their faces full of processed pig intestines, but I don't like you if you call it a sport. Competitive eating is exactly that: A competition. And the same goes for games like darts and bowling. If it's something that people do for leisure in between a round of beers and shots, then I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it's far from a sport.
8. Referees Making the Game About Them
I can't stand watching any athletic event where the official seems to think that the fans came to watch him/her. Nobody has ever gone to a game to watch an official perform in the history of sports. Even when you're family comes to your games, they're not paying attention to you. The best official is one that you don't even notice.
7. Entitlement
Now that I'm on the other side of the microphone, I've seen it all. I've interviewed everyone from grade-school athletes to Hall of Fame baseball players, and there's nothing worse than someone acting like it's a pain in their ass to do an interview. And it's not just the big-time athletes that are guilty of it. I've dealt with high school coaches that act disrespected when I don't know their name. Seriously, grow up. You're the head coach of a girls' soccer team at a school whose graduating class is smaller than your yearly income in thousands. You should be thanking us for pretending to care about your game. That being said, those losers are in the minority. Most athletes and coaches are very respectful, including the professionals. But when I do encounter one of these jerks every now and then, I find myself wishing I wouldn't get fired for force-feeding them my knuckles.
6. Parents Who Think Their Kid is a Scholarship Athlete
It's most athletes' dream to play their sport at a big-time university on an athletic scholarship, but only a small percentage get to live that dream. However the percentage of parents who think their kid is going to play at that level is through the roof. You're not doing your kid or yourself any favors by convincing them that Penn State will be knocking on your front door any day now if it's clearly not going to happen. Don't get me wrong, I think every athlete should aspire to play at whatever level they want, and it would be a shame for parents not to encourage their child to go for it. But here's a hint: If your kid barely gets up off his/her team's bench long enough to pick the splinters out of their ass, there's a good chance they won't be signing with USC come February. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, I'm just saying maybe you should spend your time a little more wisely.
5. Terrible Pep Talks
There is nothing that accomplishes the complete opposite of what it was meant to more than an awful pep talk. There are two variables that can result in these disasters: Bad timing and poor content. The first is self-explanatory. But the latter requires a bit of elaboration. The worst thing to do in a pep talk is to plan it. It is something that absolutely must be genuine and unscripted in order to motivate. Almost equally as devastating is a pep talk in which every word is an expletive. Don't underestimate the effectiveness of cursing (when it's aimed at an appropriate audience), but it has to be done strategically. The biggest misconception when it comes to inspiring a team is that a long string of f-bombs is the best way to do it. Wrong. Content and timing are everything and if you fail in either category, you would've been better off just keeping your mouth shut and letting Three Six Mafia take care of getting people ready to bash their heads through brick walls. But when done correctly, there's no better way to bring goosebumps to your teammates' skin and tears to their eyes. Here are two of the best I've seen:
4. The "Everybody Gets To Play" Culture
Here's a sure-fire way to instill the wrong habits in athletes and guarantee that your team will suck: Let everyone play the same amount. This strategy never has worked and never will. And no, I'm not just referring to high-level athletics. I'm an advocate for letting the cream rise to the top at every level, except maybe in an elementary school intramural league that is meant for kids who got cut from their travel teams. Other than that, the best players should play. Some of you probably think that would be damaging to a child's mentality, but I couldn't disagree more. It's never too early to teach a child that they have to work for what they get. If they care enough and want to be good then they'll work for it. If they don't care then they probably never wanted to be an athlete in the first place.
3. Idiotic Fans/Internet Message Boards
Last week I wrote an entire post about stupid fans, but that doesn't mean that I can't include them on my list. Anyway, I need to add these internet forums and message boards that allow people to provide their Monday Morning Quarterback analysis of every game. And the most ludicrous thing that a fan can do is to criticize play-calling, which is mostly a problem when it comes to football. Only a real football fan with real knowledge knows that there's no way to criticize play-calling. Unless you know the offense and the desired execution of the plays you're criticizing, then shut your big, dumb mouth. Chances are you have no idea what was supposed to happen on that play, what kind of defense it was run against or how the coaches coached the play as they prepared for their opponent. Did I mention you should get to shutting up?
2. Flopping
Ugh. Where do I even start when it comes to flopping? It's like the new, cool thing to do in just about every sport. Basketball players are hitting the ground from phantom gusts of wind in an effort to draw offensive fouls, soccer players are writhing around on the ground after being grazed by a shoelace and even Derek Jeter acts like he needs x-rays on his hand after a pitch hits the butt of his bat. Flopping is softer than candy necklaces, crocs and dudes who lay in tanning beds combined. Flopping is the reason I will never respect Paul Pierce. It might not even qualify as a flop in your book, but I have to make mention of his antics back in Game 1 of the 2008 NBA Finals. Pierce went down with an apparent knee injury and was first carried off the court by his teammates, then placed in a wheelchair and wheeled off the court. He's gotta be done for the rest of the series, maybe even the entire next season with an injury that serious, right? Eh, not exactly. About 15 minutes later the dude is running out of the tunnel and is back in the game. I have since heard Celtic fans defend him by saying that the team doctor called for the wheelchair, not Pierce. But here comes my favorite part: Pierce's quote about the situation..."I had no control over it. I come off the court and I had a doctor telling me to get in a wheelchair. What am I supposed to do? Tell him no?" Uhh...Yeah, actually. If you weren't softer than cupcake batter, that's exactly what you would've done.
1. Quitting/Giving Up
We've reached my biggest pet peeve in all of sports and there's really not a whole lot to say about it. There is absolutely, positively nothing worse than watching an athlete or coach give up on a game. The true test of character and will to win is how you react when faced with adversity. I don't care what the score is or what's at stake, there is NEVER an excuse to give up. When you quit, you flush integrity and self-respect down the toilet along with your legacy. A true competitor never gives up and never allows the people around him/her to do so either. 'Nuff said.
"I've always made a total effort, even when the odds seemed entirely against me. I never quit trying; I never felt that I didn't have a chance to win." -Arnold Palmer
-Brusk Dollas
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