Somebody Pay That Man

College athletes receiving illegal benefits.  Can anyone think of a single topic that has ever received more attention in the wide world of sports?  I certainly can't.  And, while I wrote a post about the topic a few months back, there are new developments popping up daily.  New schools, new violations, new, loser boosters that illegally give their money to athletes.  And the best part about those assholes is that many of them made their money illegally.  Laws are just being disregarded left and right.  The NCAA has now focused the majority of its attention on the University of Miami and the allegations surrounding current prison inmate Nevin Shapiro.  While that may be the flavor of the week, Terrelle Pryor continues to garner attention after being selected by the Oakland Raiders in this week's NFL Supplemental Draft, and he's the individual I'd like to focus on tonight.

I didn't go back and read my last post on this topic so forgive me if I'm a little redundant.  But I'm completely sick of hearing people call Pryor "the man who ruined Ohio State."  That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.  Pryor made some bad decisions, yes.  But he didn't do anything that every struggling, 19 year-old college student wouldn't have done.  If I told you that you could have a brand new sports car for free when you were 19 years old, you'd ask me where to sign.  I've said it before and I'll say it again:  The people to blame in these situations are the compliance officers, the coaching staff and, most importantly, the scumbag boosters.  At this point we're just waiting to hear who the next school, player or coach is that will be under investigation.  Trust me, everyone is guilty.  Every single Division 1 athletic program in the country is doing something they're not supposed to.  The Pryor case is definitely an extreme, but it's not a matter of who's violating NCAA rules, but rather a matter of who's going to get caught.  Not all violations are as serious as the ones at Ohio State, USC, Miami and many other big name universities, but plenty of smaller schools could face heat too.  There are countless schools committing what the NCAA would consider to be petty violations such as going over the allotted practice hours in a week, supplying academic "assistance" that would be frowned upon, or covering up misdemeanor offenses.  In those instances, it would be mostly the coaching staff and compliance officers that would be punished, but guilty is guilty.

Now I've heard several suggestions of ways to fix the problem of athletes receiving illegal benefits.  Most notably, make it a felony for any booster to supply illegal benefits or don't allow any athlete to play professionally if he/she was proven to have taken illegal benefits while in college.  As far as the first recommendation goes, I'm not necessarily opposed to it.  However I think that's a little optimistic.  I'd be a supporter of imprisoning every sleazeball that puts a naive college athlete in a position to ruin their career, but it's just not realistic.  Misdemeanor?  Sure.  But a felony?  Like, the same level of criminal offense as armed robbery, homicide, rape, and other heinous crimes?  I don't think so.  As for suggestion number two, that just simply wouldn't solve the problem.  Yes, it would deter athletes at the highest level from taking gifts from boosters, but it doesn't account for the athletes that either know they're not good enough to play professionally or don't want to play professionally.  Those particular athletes would have no problem pocketing some extra cash.

So after thinking long and hard *pause* about it, after analyzing all aspects of the issue, I've finally come up with a solution:  Pay college athletes.  OK, maybe I wasn't the first person to submit the idea, but I'm now a supporter of it.  I had never really decided on which side of the fence I fell when it came to the idea of paying college athletes, but now it's become clear.  It's simply the only way and the best way to assure that they won't be tempted to accept bribes from outsiders.  It would also level the playing field when it comes to recruiting.  Programs and coaches would actually have to sell their universities (figuratively, not literally) to recruits based on the school itself, the football tradition and academics instead of showing them the private yachts and strip clubs they'll get to attend if they play well.  What a concept.  Oh, by the way, Terrelle Pryor will be a good NFL player.  Better than Cam Newton.  You heard it here first.

Instead of a quote to end this post, I'm going to give you all a very special treat.  The following is the video that myself and a few friends made in our 11th grade spanish class.  And after you watch it I don't think you'll have a hard time figuring out why we aced it.  Too easy.  Enjoy.

-Brusk Dollas

That's Just Fan-Tastic

The more I brainstorm ideas for this blog, the more obvious it becomes to me what the biggest problem in the sports world is:  Fans.  I've dedicated multiple posts to different kinds of fans and I think I may have even said that ignorant, uninformed fans are the worst kind at one point.  If I did indeed do that, I'd like to formally rescind that statement right now.  Because I can honestly say that I've finally identified the very worst kind of fan beyond a reasonable doubt:  True, obsessed "fanatics."  The fan that truly believes that his/her pre-game ritual is going to affect the outcome of the game.  The fan that believes that he/she is as much a part of the team as the players.  The fan that believes that he/she would make a better coach than "that asshole," but only when their team is losing.  The fan that literally hates other teams because it's not "their" team.  The fan that lives vicariously through the players on "their" team.  And worst of all, the fan that is willing to physically fight another human for not being a fan of "their" team.

I like to begin my posts by providing a little bit of context for my arguments.  In this case, I'm going to use myself as an example.  I love sports.  I've played them for my entire life and continue to do so recreationally on a weekly (sometimes daily) basis.  I love them so much that I've decided to pursue a career that is completely devoted to athletics.  I have a favorite team in the NFL, NBA, MLB, NCAA Football, NCAA Basketball and Trexlertown Slow-Pitch Softball League.  I don't like to see them lose.  But if they do, I'm mature enough to recognize that it's a game and it really has nothing to do with my life.  I sulk for about 37 seconds, take a sip of my beer, and then go back to not being a complete psycho about something I have no control over.  And never have I even dreamed about fighting someone for not rooting for the same team as me.  That's just laughable.

The initial motivation for this post came Thursday night during/after the Eagles' preseason game against the Steelers.  In case you missed it, the Eagles weren't exactly impressive.  Mike Vick threw three interceptions in one half and their starters were downright dominated by their Steeler counterparts.  So I sign on Facebook as the game is ending and what's the first thing I see in my newsfeed?  Countless statuses from non-Eagle fans talking shit about the Eagles.  Several of them that read something like this:  "Ohh some dream team huh?  HAHAHA I love watching the Eagles suck!"  Really?  No, seriously...REALLY?  How little of a life do you have that you're watching a preseason game just hoping you'll see a team fail?  And the sad thing is that it wasn't just one person, it was several.  All that tells me is that you already know "your" team is going to be hot garbage so you're just praying that your friends don't have something to cheer about.  You know what they say, misery loves company.  Sidenote:  Most of you that are reading this know me well enough to know that I couldn't care less about the Eagles.  So it's not like my feelings were hurt.  I just think it's hilarious that people are more worried about them than they are about "their" team.  And by "hilarious" I clearly mean "embarrassing."

I don't hate you if you fall into the above category.  I understand that people like to talk junk to their friends and there's friendly competition when it comes to favorite teams.  I still think it's a little ridiculous to root against a team unless "your" team is in a battle with them in the standings, but it's more funny than it is anything serious.  But this is the part where I do get a little serious on you.  I had already made up my mind that this was going to be the focus of my next post when another tragic event occurred at a San Francisco sporting event.  Saturday night the 49ers hosted the Oakland Raiders in preseason action at Candlestick Park.  There were multiple violent offenses surrounding the game.  One man was assaulted and knocked unconscious in a restroom during the game, there was a brawl involving several fans in the stands, and then two more men were SHOT after the game.  It's uncertain whether or not the incidents were related, but the fact of the matter is that at least one fan was offended enough to pull a gun and use it.  I'm literally so disgusted that I almost don't even know what to say.  First of all, who the hell brings a gun to a preseason football game?  Second of all, how is it possible that anything could have been said or done that warranted a shooting?  It's literally mind-boggling.  I can't find words to express how pathetic these people are.  And this came on the heels of San Francisco Giants fan Bryan Stow being beaten to a coma by two Los Angeles Dodger fans earlier this year.  These people aren't fans.  They're psychotic criminals that should be castrated with a rusty butter knife before spending the rest of their lives behind bars.

And this isn't a new phenomenon.  Fans have been rioting, brawling and fighting for as long as sports have existed.  Soccer fans are infamous for their brawls.  There was a fight at the Ravens/Chiefs game the same night as the Niners/Raiders game.  We all remember the Pistons/Pacers brawl which was incited by idiotic fans.  So what's the solution?  I can pretty much guarantee that alcohol is the one constant in these occurrences.  But there's really no way to prevent people from drinking.  Stadiums aren't going to stop selling alcohol during games because they'd lose a ton of money and, to be honest, that wouldn't change anything anyway.  People will find a way to drink.  If they can't get it during games, they'll drink during tailgating.  If they can't tailgate, they'll drink before they get to the park.  It's a scary thought, but there's really no way to assure that these things won't happen.  This may be the only time you'll ever see me drop an f-bomb on here, but I have to do it to show how serious I am.  The only way to prevent this shit from happening is for people to grow the fuck up.  I just don't know if that will ever happen.

"The fanatic is incorruptible:  if he kills for an idea, he can just as well get himself killed for one; in either case, tyrant or martyr, he is a monster."  -Emil Cioran (Romanian philosopher and essayist)

-Brusk Dollas

Just the "Tip" of the Iceberg

The sports world quickly went from incredibly boring and uneventful to having an abundance of potential blog topics.  From the endless NCAA violations at Miami (is anybody really surprised about anything that goes down at "The U?") to the NFL's belief that they can just make up rules as they go along (kickoffs moved up five yards, Terrelle Pryor being eligible for the supplemental draft when he CLEARLY should not be), I wasn't sure which direction to go when I woke up this morning.  Fortunately for all of us, somebody gift-wrapped a topic and delivered it to me on this fine day.  There may come a day in the near future that I tackle one of the aforementioned issues, but today's post will be completely dedicated to a list of the Top Ten Worst Celebrity Tippers that was accumulated on a restaurant blog called "Short Order."

Before I even dive into the list, let me address a few important questions/facts:  First of all, I know what you all are thinking:  What criteria was used in developing this list?  Also, how do we know what facts are/aren't true?  As far as the first question is concerned, this blog did their research.  According to the site, the list was compiled based on the "number of cheapskate lists each person appears on, stinginess relative to how wealthy the person is, and how low the tip, comparative to how high the bill."  Naturally I did my research as well and can confirm that their top ten were consistently appearing on list after list.  To answer question number two, simply, we don't.  It's impossible to know the real facts unless you're a server that was unfortunate enough to deal with one of these scumbags.  But because there are several celebrities on the list that I never liked in the first place, I choose to believe it.  And that brings up the one fact that I needed to get out of the way.  I'm the most skeptical dude on the planet when it comes to most things...That is, unless, it's more negative press about someone that I already disliked.  So now that we have those things out of the way, here's the list with my take on each individual named.

Coming in at #10 on this lovely list is the most popular food personality herself, Rachael Ray.  Lets be serious.  Any normal person that has ever watched Rachael Ray knows that the smell of her annoyingness (yes, that's a real word) and fraudulence are much stronger than that of the dishes she whips up.  She tries wayyyy to hard to come off as a genuine sweetheart when clearly she flips that switch off as soon as the camera turns off.

At #9 is long-time funnyman Bill Cosby.  This one is a little disappointing because Cosby doesn't fall into the category of "celebrities I never liked."  Nonetheless, the man is getting downright old at this point so I'll chalk his bad tips up to old age/an inability to perform simple math/senility.

#8 on the list is actor Sean Penn.  When it comes to his on-screen performances, I'm a big fan of Penn's.  But I'm hardly surprised to see him on this list considering that he seems virtually unable to form a smile.

At #7 we have the beautiful Mariah Carey.  If her tip percentage was as high as the notes she's capable of hitting, restaurant servers would be very happy and she would be very broke.  However that is far from the case.  Once again though, no surprise that someone who would marry Nick Cannon lacks judgment in other areas of her life.

Not quite cheap enough to crack the Top 5 is R&B singer Usher at #6.  This one is probably the biggest surprise on the list.  Don't kid yourself, everyone likes Usher.  He's a talented musician and dancer and seems authentically personable whenever he's interviewed.  But we might as well stay right along with the whole "lack of judgment" theme.  If you're looking for a reason to believe that Usher may very well belong on this list, just go listen to his 2004 album titled "Confessions" where he publicly admits to having impregnated another woman while in a relationship.  True story.  Not to mention that his name appeared more consistently than anyone's when I was doing some research into the credibility of this list.

And this is where the list really gets good.  At #5 is actor Jeremy Piven, or, as most of you probably know him, Ari from the HBO series "Entourage."  It's reported that Piven once left an autographed "Entourage" DVD as his show of gratitude.  That would be a nice thing to do along with at least a 25% tip for someone as wealthy as he is.  And if you're sitting there thinking, "Well at least you could sell it on EBay and make some money off of it," I really have no rebuttal.  You're right, you probably could do that.  Maybe this man doesn't belong on the list after all.  Don't shoot the messenger.

My only complaint about the next dirtball on this list is that he didn't make the top 3.   The #4 worst celebrity tipper is Lebron James.  I don't need to sit here and tell you all the reasons you shouldn't be surprised about this one.  The dude is downright corny.  Here's an impressive display of appreciation for ya:  According to The Miami News Times, James once ran up an $800 tab at a Cleveland steakhouse, eating and drinking until 4 a.m.  At that hour, chances are the place would have closed 4 hours earlier but likely remained open for the man that city once idolized.  So how did he thank them?  By leaving a staggering $10.  I'm no mathematician, but I think that equates to 1.25%.  Someone double-check that.  Anyway, given that the tip comes at the end of the meal, that's just another confirmation that James has no idea how to finish.

And now for the Top 3.  At #3 is the ageless actor/singer Barbara Streisand.  This is a tough one.  Streisand is rather well-known for her charitable donations.  According to the Boston Herald, she's raised more than $25 million for charities via live performances.  But there's a report that she once left a $10 tip on a $457 tab. Apparently all celebrities think that $10 is a sufficient tip regardless of the size of the bill.  I'm just gonna stop there 'cause I know what some of you are thinking...

Just barely missing the top spot, coming in at #2 is Madonna.  This chick is just plain weird.  I'm not even gonna make the "Material Girl" connection because I've already heard it too many times.  But the original Lady Gaga minus wearing raw meat for a hat is reported to have left an $18 tip on a $400 bill.  Terrible, yes. But does it bother anyone else that Lebron's 1.25% didn't edge out Babs and Madonna?  Anyway, I'm impartial when it comes to Madonna so I'm gonna give her a bit of a pass here.

And taking home the top spot, the stingiest mofo on planet Earth......................My good pal Eldrick "Tiger" Woods.  This entire post could have been dedicated to poor displays of judgment on Tiger's behalf.  But the one that is relevant to this list comes from a report by "List of the Day:"  Apparently Tiger once "pulled a mulligan on a $5 tip, re-pocketing the money meant for a waitress after realizing he had tipped her earlier in the evening.  He was possibly distracted by the $10,000 hand of blackjack he was playing."  It's a damn good thing he pulled that 5-spot back.  As of September of 2010, the most recent calculated report I could find, Tiger was only worth 100 million times more than that.  I wanted to make some sort of comparison until I realized there is nothing in the world that is worth 100 million times less than I am.  The only thing comparable between Tiger and myself at this point is our golf game.  On that note, he may need that $5 in the near future.

"I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyone's golf game.  It's called an eraser."  -Arnold Palmer

-Brusk Dollas

The Infamous "Softball Guy"

I don't know what's taken me so long to get to this topic.  I really don't.  And it's not because I have a whole lot to say about it, but more because my opinions are rather strong.  But I just recently got home from one of my twice a week, slow-pitch softball games so it's fresh in my mind and it's finally time.  Not to mention that the Trexlertown Slow-Pitch playoffs are this weekend so there's no better time for me to get this off my chest.  If you listen to Jim Rome on Fox Sports Radio, there's a very good chance that you've heard him allude to "softball guy."  If not, allow me to explain:  Rome consistently refers to this guy as the guy wearing jersey number 69 with the name "Hammer" on the back of it who thinks that his beer-drinking softball league is life.  And while there are plenty of "Hammers" in the world, my definition of "softball guy" extends even further than the clean-up hitting, roid injecting, sleeve-cutting, pick-up truck driving lunatic that tries to hit the cover off the ball every at-bat.  There are so many more guys that don't fit that description that still fall into the category of "softball guys."

Let me begin by saying there is definitely a fine line between a normal softball player and "softball guy."  Take myself for example:  I'm very competitive by nature so I try to win and perform at the highest level possible regardless of what I'm doing.  I expect to get a base-hit every time I step to the plate and make every defensive play that is humanly possible.  I've even been known to throw my bat from time to time when I hit a weak pop-up, but that's simply because there's no excuse for that for someone with any ounce of athleticism in their body.  But here are a few things you might see from "softball guy" after making an out:  Refusal to talk to teammates, inability to smile, hostility for the remainder of the game, and an attempt to break the aluminum bat over their knee (and possibly succeeding, depending on their steroid dosage for the day).  There are some guys that just take the game way too seriously.  If your week...check that...if your day is ruined after a loss in slow-pitch softball, you need a new hobby or two.

And the worst kind of "softball guy" is the guy that never played a sport in his life yet thinks it's OK to tell a real athlete how to play the game.  Not only did nobody respect you before, but now you might as well be the dirt on the bottom of my cleats.  This is typically the same guy that keeps track of his slugging percentage, on-base percentage, fielding percentage, ERA, or how many more milligrams of Dianabol he needs to hit the ball that extra ten feet to get over the fence.  This guy also wears baseball pants when he plays and doesn't just complain, but curses out the one-man umpire crew when there's a bang-bang play at second base and the call doesn't go his team's way.  Seriously, give the guy a break, loser.  Unless your name is Rusty Bumgardner, just enjoy the game for what it is:  A great way to have fun with friends, enjoy a few adult beverages and convince yourself that you just got your exercise for the day even though you didn't break a sweat.  Basically what it comes down to is this:  "Softball guy" is just another way of saying "weird guy with no life."

"I got 3-D glasses for $9.99!  The movie is free!"  -Some very dumb DJ from Gucci Mane's very dumb song, "Frowny Face," off his very dumb mixtape, "The BurrPrint 3-D."  So dumb.

-Brusk Dollhairs

Haters Gon' Hate

The opinion that I'm about to share with you is one that I will stand by forever because this very same situation was a part of my life for three years (minus the major media coverage). Why is the media bashing a young man that has done nothing to warrant hatred? Why is he the butt of every joke when he has accomplished more in twenty-three years than his middle-aged critics have in a lifetime? Tim Tebow has been the topic of verbal onslaught for over a week now due to the perception of his play at Quarterback. I don’t get it and I probably never will, but today’s post will be my stance on Tim Tebow, the football player. I won't bore you with discussions about Tim Tebow’s lifestyle because he lives by a moral code that most of us couldn’t sustain for a week. Today will be my rebuttal to the critics and their lack of confidence in one Timothy Richard Tebow.

I've heard it all when it comes to Tebow's play at the Quarterback position and every day I question if the critics realize who they are talking about. Tim Tebow is a Quarterback who, throughout his whole life, was told he couldn’t play the position. As a true Sophomore, Tebow was the first player ever to win the Heisman as a second year player confirming the hype that has surrounded him since his days in high school. He’s also the first guy in fifty years to win the Maxwell Award (Best Offensive Player) twice and it should be noted he beat out Cam Newton (First Pick in 2011 NFL Draft) for a starting job at Florida twice. Yet I still hear that Timmy can’t play Quarterback at the NFL level even though he out-performed everyone, including the guys that analysts praise.  

I will agree Tim Tebow is not your classic, sit-in-the-pocket, statue Quarterback, but neither are Steve Young, Randall Cunningham, Michael Vick or Donovan McNabb. The common denominator with all these amazing football players is that they perform when the lights are on. The past week has brought us numerous reports of how Kyle Orton looks better than Tebow and he will begin the season as the starter for the Denver Broncos. Tebow has not only lost his competition for the starting job, but reporters have said that Brady Quinn has been throwing the ball better than Tebow and that he will likely be Orton's back-up. While the assault of Tebow is taking place, remember one thing:  The last time the Denver Broncos took the field against an opponent Tebow was competing against playoff caliber teams with Orton and Quinn watching from the sideline feeding each other water. The media talks about Orton like he was a playoff caliber quarterback last year. In reality, Orton started the first 13 games of the season leading the Broncos to an embarrassing 3-10 record in those games. My biggest issue with the situation in Denver is that the observers are judging the hardest position in sports under the most unrealistic conditions. Anyone who has ever played the game, and a lot of people who haven't, know the golden rule in practice is DON’T TOUCH THE QUARTBACK. Every traditional Quarterback is great without the possibility of a defender knocking his teeth down his throat. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I'm pretty sure no team was ever rewarded a win for having a good practice.

In college I played with three different Quarterbacks in my four-year experience. I will not single out any one of these guys, but the two who were excellent practice Quarterbacks led us to a very impressive three-year record of 13-17 (please note the sarcasm). When those two were either gone or injured, the guy who wasn’t always throwing the most beautiful passes during routes on air and who didn't care how his balls *pause* looked in line-throw took his troops on a six-game winning streak which ultimately ended in the NCAA playoffs. The intangibles this quarterback possessed weren't something you could see in skelly (7on7). This Quarterback shined on the gridiron, during games, where the pads crack and defenses take pleasure in decapitating signal-callers.

It doesn’t matter who throws the prettiest spiral or who can launch a rocket 85 yards in the air. All that matters is how a Quarterback leads his men and brings home victories. At the end of the day he's one of many that went into the trenches together as a unit in the ultimate team sport. Tebow rallies his followers with his play on the game-field. He brings heart, passion and desire which is are all traits shared by my former teammate. Give the kid a chance to fail instead of writing him off. After all, he's done nothing his entire life but prove everyone wrong. You'd be surprised at what can be accomplished when a chance is given to someone who's been counted out their entire life. Does the name Doug Flutie ring a bell?

 “We’re gonna take lives and crush skulls. Live by the motto we follow and he'll take us to victory. Bring this shit up and say it on three:  In Brusko We Trust!”  -Sean Wasson AKA The Most Interesting Man On Earth. Stay thirsty my friends!

-Jae Pierce

Always a Front-Runner

Over the past few weeks, my co-author and I have gone in a slightly different direction with many of our posts.  If you've been keeping up with us, you know we haven't talked a whole lot about current events in the sports world, mostly because it's a pretty boring time of year.  We also like to give our readers something different, something you haven't already heard five times a day on SportsCenter.  But after this weekend's PGA WGC-Bridgestone Invitational, I have to give you my take on what everyone and their mother have been talking about.

The Bridgestone Invitational garnered the attention of just about every sports fan as Tiger Woods played his first tournament since May 12, when he withdrew from the Players Championship due to injury after an atrocious first nine holes.  But Woods' return wasn't the only thing that people were watching.  Just two weeks before the tournament he fired long-time caddie and friend, Steve Williams, after 12 years together.  The break-up was inevitable after Williams became vocally critical of Woods as a result of Tiger's adulterous ways that were made public knowledge almost two years ago.  These two men, who, at one time were such good friends that they stood up for one another at their respective weddings, have seen their relationship deteriorate rapidly since Thanksgiving of 2009.  After his firing, Williams was hired by Adam Scott to carry his bag for this weekend's tournament.

I'll be the first to admit, I was rooting for Scott to win simply out of spite for Tiger.  I've never been a fan of Woods and when Scott eventually won the tournament on Sunday I was a happy man.  But my elation only lasted until I heard Williams' post-round interview.  Before I get into his comments, let me explain something to those of you who don't know much about golf:  Williams is a caddy.  His job is to carry his golfer's bag, recommend an occasional club, help his golfer read greens, and dap him up after a good shot.  And that's being generous.  According to Curtis Strange, two-time winner of the U.S. Open, a caddy's job is to "show up, keep up and shut up."  The golfer swings the clubs.  The golfer records every single score on every single hole.  The golfer makes the final decision on what club to use and what shot to hit.  That's why I had to laugh and then vomit when I heard Williams acting like he had just won the tournament on Sunday.  Take a listen to this:

I don't really care about him saying it was the best win and week of his life.  I really don't.  He obviously had a chip on his shoulder after his firing so it's natural that he wanted to win this weekend more than ever before, especially with Tiger in the field.  My disgust comes from him acting like he was the one making the shots.  At no point did he give any credit to the man that actually played.  The man conducting the interview, David Feherty, even gave Williams a perfect opportunity to compliment Adam Scott (although it was the longest question I've ever heard from a reporter), but Williams blew that chance.  Instead he thought the world needed to know that he's a "very confident front-runner" on the racetrack and on the golf course.  First of all, literally nobody cares that you go racing.  I'm betting he doesn't even do the driving, he just sits in the passenger seat and tells the driver to keep turning left.  Second of all, YOU didn't win.  YOUR GOLFER won.  And YOU don't have 145 career wins.  You've CARRIED THE BAG for 145 wins, almost all of them coming from arguably the greatest golfer in history.  There's a reason you wear your golfer's last name on the back of your shirt instead of your own:  Because you just don't matter that much.  If caddies make such a difference in a round of golf, why is it that I can't name a single one other than Williams?  And don't let it go to your head, Stevie.  The only reason I know your name is because of your immature behavior.

I understand why Williams is upset.  According to him, Tiger fired him during a phone conversation, not in a face to face meeting like Woods has said.  But it's about time he grows up and handles his disappointment like a man.  Don't go cry to the media about how you need to put food on the table for your family.  I have a hard time feeling bad for someone who has easily made several million dollars over the past few years by simply carrying some golf clubs.  Tiger Woods made you.  Anyway, what did you think was going to happen when you publicly criticized him for decisions he made in his private life?  I never thought we'd see the day that I support Tiger Woods, but I think Williams has managed to surpass him for my least favorite individual in golf.  

"I'll get up at five in the morning to do only two things:  Go to the bathroom and play golf."

-Jim McMahon, former NFL Quarterback

-Brusk Dollhairs

Oh Happy Day

Listen up everybody:  As most of you probably know, today, Thursday, August 4th, is the birthday of an incredibly important and influential man in our country.  A man that many people admire and believe to be the answer to all of our nation's biggest problems.  That man, of course, is me.  And because I'm committed to this blog, I've gone against the advice of some of the people closest to me and decided to post regardless of the fact that I should probably be getting absolutely annihilated right now.  I will warn you though, this isn't going to be the most lengthy post I've ever written as I have celebrating to do.  But what better way to honor this glorious day than to examine some athletic history that has taken place on this date?  None that I can think of.

On August 4th, 1984, Carl Lewis captured his very first Olympic gold medal by winning the 100m dash final in Los Angeles.  Lewis would go on to win eight more gold medals in his Olympic career, tying him with Mark Spitz and Paavo Nurmi for the most in men's Summer Olympic history.  That record stood until 2008 when Michael Phelps won 8 gold medals in a single year to push his total to 14.  Nonetheless, Lewis is the single greatest sprinter in U.S. history, but here's a fun fact that most people don't know:  Lewis is arguably a better singer than he is a sprinter:

I've also discovered that August 4th is National Steroids Day.  Check this out:  Roger Clemens was born on August 4th, 1962, and we all know that man still has needles floating around his septic tank.  Then on this day four years ago, Barry Bonds tied Hank Aaron for the most homeruns in MLB history when he hit the 755th of his career, and Alex Rodriguez joined the 500 club the very same day.  I'm gonna give A-Rod a pass and not even mention his most recent controversy involving high-stakes poker games because I'm on a strict schedule.  But I won't ignore the fact that he and Bonds both came into the league looking like Antoine Dodson and "somehow" evolved into Ronnie Coleman look-alikes.  Google the names if you don't know who they are.  

In my last minute research I found a few more notable individuals that were born on August 4th:  NASCAR drivers Kurt Busch and Jeff Gordon.  Those two should be honored to share a birthday with someone like myself who's had moderate success in an actual sport.  And lastly, I just learned that the President of the United States of America, Barack Obama, was born on this day back in 1961.  Who knew?

Unfortunately, yes, that's all I have for today.  Thank you all for the birthday wishes you've offered, whether it be via Facebook, text message or phone call.  I have an amazing family and an awesome group of friends and I hope you all know how much I appreciate you.  And if you happen to read this on Thursday night, throw back a cold one for me.  I'm sure I'll be doing the same.

"Birthdays are good for you.  Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest."  -Unknown

-Brusk Dollhairs